To Those Wanting to Leave Homosexual Behavior - By Harry Briley 4/98

Background:

I wrote this paper after attending a 1998 public forum that included active homosexuals in the audience and a panel of people who formerly had so been (but refused the term 'ex-gay'). Being a lobbyist organization, one would think that we have no heart. However, we are not ashamed to point people to Jesus Christ. Laws set community moral standards, but Jesus is the most frequently recommended source of full joy and total love that many people are seeking, whether actively engaged in homosexual behavior or not.

Every Day is a Series of Moral Choices

We cannot force anyone to walk away from the lifestyle. We would be remiss to not present the side of the story omitted by the press. It is our position that homosexual behaviors are moral choices, a separate choice for each sexual liaison. There are some people who reach a point in their life (some as long as 30 years or more as an active homosexual), who discover that the love and acceptance that they had was shy of their actual needs.

I acknowledge that desires and same-sex attractions may continue within a person, but acting on those impulses is a choice. I believe that sheer willpower will yield frustration and a conclusion that you cannot affect your lifestyle. If you desire to change, you need a change agent. You'll probably blow the minds of your conservative Christian friends, but ask one of them to pray with you to ask Jesus to be the manager of your sexuality to lead a chaste life.

What is a Disciple?

As we walk this awesome faith journey, we need to sink our roots deep into the Bible. As needed, we ask the question: "Am I defining my sexual behavior, or is my sexual behavior defining me?" We believe that a daily heart-felt relationship with Jesus makes personal changes happen, not specific religious activities nor oft-broken resolutions. Commitment to change, yes, but with a change agent to enable us. The mistake we often make is that after turning over the car keys to Jesus, we wind up hot-wiring the ol' jalopy with the same old ineffective willpower.

What about Those Who Tried but later Rejected the Premise of Change?

I have just read several stories of homosexuals who have tried changing and had negative experiences with churches and support groups. Some felt rejected and abandoned. Others were actually rejected and abandoned ... but it was always the fault of the church for acting harshly on moral issues that the person not only acceded to but openly taught as a leader himself or herself. In most stories, the person changed the rules of the game and was hurt when the church or support group rejected the change. Most all have since accepted a homosexual interpretation of key Biblical passages or dropped Christian faith altogether. They have interpreted passages dealing with sexual behaviors to match their current behavior. Even P-FLAG literature "Is Homosexuality a Sin?" admits that some pro-homosexual theologians understand the Bible to reject the behavior ... but that it no longer applies.

Something Else Must Be Motivating Change. It Can't be Guilt.

The fact that people are seeking Christian-based support groups says something about the desire to leave the lifestyle. This is the 1990's, the decade of individual expression. The sexual revolution was 30 years ago. People are seeking Christianity because of Jesus. It cannot be because of some 1950's mentality over archaic social guilt. Instead, there must be some fundamental inability of physical behaviors to meet the heart-felt spiritual needs of some men and some women. So I offer these comments with my eyes open, for, like Jeremiah, a fire consumes me inside if I hid my faith saying 'It works for some, but for you, tough luck."

As mentioned earlier, I cannot force anyone to change. I cannot even force myself to change. But I do have the right to accept a behavior as sin based on the historic interpretation of the Bible. You are free to disagree with that interpretation. Obviously, if a person is totally as peace and happy in having same-sex liaisons, there is no motivation to change. This paper however is addressed to someone already thinking that the historic Judeo-Christian morals have not only hope but a higher calling to holiness. The opposite to homosexual acts is not heterosexual marriage, but, if possible, according to Paul, to live solely unto the Lord.

I am Wesleyan in theology and I find merit in the scriptures that we furnish out our salvation with awe (fear) and trembling. There is a God and He is the rewarder of those that diligently seek him. But it is not of our own effort, but a natural outgrowth of learning to relax in his presence. Fear, awe, trembling ... and relaxing?? I don't know how to say it differently. It is a paradox that is true through the power of God's Holy Spirit. Some call it grace, for it is total love, truly undeserved, and graciously offered.

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